The National Suicide Prevention Week ended on 12th September and I want to talk about it. Instead of preventing something such as being anti-war, support a cause like pro-peace. This is why I did not post specifically about suicide prevention. It is always good to talk about it but instead of telling people to NOT commit suicide, sharing ways on how they can make their life worth living is a better option. What is your opinion?
A little back story:
2015
I have been there. I had suicidal thoughts when I was 14. When I was 15, I went on the path of self-harm and started cutting my wrists. I always wanted to just get over with life because I saw there is no point in living. It was like there are walls trapping me down and there was no window, let alone a door. I used to punch the walls until my knuckles hurt and I couldn't gather the courage to hurt myself anymore.
But I was a coward. I still am. I never had the guts to jump off a building and just end it or drink something that would just kill me slowly. This is the first time I am thinking about it again and I know I am shivering + teary. Slowly I let my coward self take over and I gave up things related to self-harm but I still cried myself to sleep every night.
Thoughts about suicide:
People say that they want their life to end because they don't have the strength to get through the challenges. I believe it is different. You need the courage to kill yourself. It takes all your strength even if it is not a brave act.
Honestly, I don't think being a coward is a bad thing if the thoughts I expressed above are true. Because that cowardice, that lack of courage to kill me brought me here and I am in love with who I am right now. I am proud of being a coward.
Also, if you are contemplating the idea of self-harm because you think there is no one to listen to you and that everyone has their own sh*t to deal with, please stop. I know many people are not able to talk to their parents about it, but you always have someone to talk to no matter how lonely you feel. I am not saying this for the sake of saving you, I have no intention to. But call that best friend from 5th grade, text that friend who was very close to you at the beginning of college but you never talked to, later on, text the Instagram accounts available who is going to listen to you for free.
Present:
2020
Today I have a best friend who is literally the ride-or-die type. I am in the university I wanted to study with the degree I wanted to pursue. I got my own book published. I love public speaking and I got to speak at so many places which makes my heart feel warm. I am running a platform where I am empowering hundred of other people whom I have never met. I have been blessed with the opportunity to help 25+ people personally.
The dynamics at my home have shifted. The very walls that used to make me feel trapped are now the walls I love living in when I want to recharge.
The dreams I thought would never come true, I am pursuing them right now and I feel better than ever. I can proudly say that I am living my dream life.
But I wouldn't have been able to see this chapter of my life if I had been courageous back then. Today, through this blog post, I want to share a part of that journey which helped me get through.
How did I get through?
I put my faith in something greater than me. That is the only reason I am here. I escaped in the countless fiction novels and the beautiful melodies which I had never heard. I kept dreaming and holding on to that tiny part of my heart which keeps telling me to believe in my wildest dreams.
I started studying about myself, learned the art of Tarot card reading, and devoted myself to help other people who are going through the same things. I did not avoid my reality altogether. It always made me sad and I cried for hours every day, but I kept working on the side.
Here are a few ways you can study more about yourself and fall in love with yourself.
Scientific Ways:
⚡ MBTI Test
Start to know about yourself by understanding your personality. Myers & Briggs' 16 personality test is one of my favourite go-to resources. It not only tells you about your personality but also helps you understand which career suits you on the basis of the traits you possess.
You can take the test here for free: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
⚡ Body Language
I have always been fascinated by psychology. Learning about your body language gives you one more medium to understand yourself apart from your verbal expression. This will not only help you to understand yourself but also others.
There are many ways to learn about body language but if you want to make sure you want to invest in books/courses related to this, watch the series: Lie to Me
⚡ Handwriting Analysis
This is something I studied in detail for a few months and fell in love with. It helps you to understand the feelings and type of personality by looking at the handwriting. You can use journaling as therapy and then look back at your past journaling entries and analyse your handwriting.
Here you can find the basics of Handwriting Analysis:
The Not-So-Scientific Ways:
⚡ Astrology Chart
I know many people think about this as a waste of time or made-up stuff. I did too, but I always enjoyed reading the horoscopes even if I did not believe in them. One day I decided to study my astrological chart in-depth and got a report made for myself. It felt so crazy reading through the 22 - page report and make notes because most of the things that were mentioned were relatable and true.
It was like getting goosebumps reading things about myself which I knew was present in my subconscious but I had no clue.
⚡ Numerology Chart
Similar to the astrology chart, an in-depth numerology chart can help you understand the things you should work on, and your weaknesses and it will also help you to understand yourself better.
⚡ Feng Shui Method
In Feng Shui, according to your Date of Birth, you will have your own element and animal.
There are 5 elements in total and 12 animals. Your element and your animal combined help you give a better understanding of yourself, and it is also used to calculate your best days in different areas of life. I wish to clarify that you do not need to believe in some days being lucky and others not, it depends on you and your energy whether you will attract good things in your life or not.
Tips to use these resource:
If you want to dive deep into your specific lucky and unlucky directions, I would recommend you ask someone else to do it for you and then tell you the right things. Leaning into the darker side of it can have an adverse impact if you do not have a resilient mindset. Do not get caught up in lucky and unlucky numbers or which planets might cause you harm or trouble. Only you have control over your life and you are here to create joyously.
Reminder:
If you are not feeling good, it is okay. If you don't feel like living, don't force yourself to carry the burden alone. Share it! Be it by believing in a power higher than yourself or by sharing it with a friend. People are always available to listen to you.
If you don't find life worth living, then make it worth living. The worst that will happen is that you'll be disappointed.